


Not My Fault

by orphan_account



Category: IT (2017), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, First Kiss, Gay Richie Tozier, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Reddie, The Kissing Bridge (IT), based on an iconic but heartbreaking post i saw on tumblr, basically just that line, fluff at the end, kind of a stranger things au, oblivious eddie lmao, teen reddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21963292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Bevisn'tstupid," Eddie spat back, taking an intrusive step forward. Richie could see tears start to brim in his eyes. "it's not my fault you don't like girls!"When those words left Eddie's lips, he felt his entire world crash down.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 172





	Not My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> yeehaw i wrote this at 2am but i like it so happy holidays everyone

The door flung open, its handle slamming into the drywall harshly as an angry Richie rushed into Eddie's garage. He knew it was going to be like this tonight. _He fucking knew it._

As he shoved his things into his backpack with far more force than necessary, he heard the door open again. "Rich, come on, are you seriously leaving?"

Usually, hearing Eddie's voice made his stomach do a back-flip—but at that moment, it just made him furious. Richie didn't want to be anywhere near him. Rain pounded against the cement driveway, splattering onto the garage floor in the form of sad puddles.

Richie Tozier might have been loud, clumsy, obnoxious, presumptuous, vulgar, and _really fucking gay_ (he kept that last part to himself), but he never liked being angry. He hated the way it felt—the heaviness that hung over him whenever he would lash out. It reminded him of the bullies at school, and he never wanted anyone to see him like that.

Especially Eddie.

"Nah, Eds. I just thought I'd hang out here for a while. Maybe watch a fucking movie or something," he slung the bag over his shoulder, refusing to look up.

"Rich, really. Come back inside." Eddie tried, not letting his eyes leave Richie. "It's fucking pouring right now—you'll catch a cold!"

"Better that than stay here," he mumbled, grabbing the handles of his bike, kicking the brake out from underneath it.

"All right, what's your problem?" Eddie narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Everything was fine until Bev showed up. We were having a good time, weren't we?"

_Bev. Bev was the fucking problem._

"Listen, why don't you just take your pretty little self back inside and keep having a good time, hm?" Richie bit the inside of his cheek, hating the way those words tasted in his mouth but not being able to stop them. His grip tightened. "I don't want to ruin your night."

"You think I could just go back in there after seeing you leave like this?" Eddie's brows drew together as he became increasingly more annoyed at his friend's behavior.

"It really shouldn't matter to you," he spat. "just let me leave, Eds."

The smaller boy scoffed. "What is your deal?"

"Oh, that's rich. You want to know what _my_ deal is?" A clap of thunder followed his words, causing Eddie to jump a bit. Richie's glasses started fogging up as an all-too-familiar bitterness stung at his eyes. He finally made eye contact, allowing Eddie to see just how tired he looked. "You bring some random-ass girl into our friend group without asking any of us, and you just expect me to be- what, _okay_ with it? You spend all your fucking time with her and leave the rest of us in the dust. _Bev this, Bev that_ —I'm sick of it!"

Eddie's face darkened. "That's not fair."

_It wasn't._

"Isn't it?" Richie pressed. He knew deep down that he should've just shut his mouth, but as always, he didn't listen to his inner voice.

"Listen, dumbass," The shorter boy looked ready to burst with anger. "we're getting older. I'm just following the fucking crowd like we're supposed to."

_The one Richie should be following too._

"Right, right. Trading in your best buds for a stupid girl," Richie narrowed his eyes. "I see how it is."

"Hold on, Bev _isn't_ stupid," Eddie spat back, taking an intrusive step forward. Richie could see tears start to brim in his eyes. "it's not my fault you don't like girls!"

When those words left Eddie's lips, he felt his entire world crash down.

Richie's heart skipped severe beats. He felt one of the tears that stung his eyes finally roll down his cheek as thunder echoed off the walls of the garage. His breath caught in his throat, stifled only by the sob he felt building up. Everything around them seemed to freeze—and for a moment, he thought the rain itself stopped pouring.

His brain screamed at him, praying this was just some nightmare or trick that Pennywise thought up for him. Even _that_ would be better than accepting that his most-trusted friend just said that to him.

But it wasn't a trick. Or a dream. It was real life.

In one last bout of bitterness, he took a step forward. They were so close, he could feel Eddie's sharp breath against his lips. "Fuck you, Eds," his voice came out as a hoarse whisper. He didn't stick around for a second more before slinging his leg over his bike and riding into the storm.

He could hear Eddie calling his name, but he refused to look back.

-

At that moment, he had felt vulnerable. So exposed. He had never told a single soul that he was gay. He had hidden all of the evidence as well as he could. He talked about how hot girls were. He tried to convince the town that he banged half of the cheerleaders that went to their high school, regardless of how much the thought repulsed him. He never allowed his gaze to linger. He was _so,_ so careful.

But at the end of the day, it was all for nothing.

By the time Richie stopped biking, the worst of the storm had passed. His throat felt raw from crying, and his legs burned like fire. He wasn't the most athletic out of the group, but he got where he needed to go.

_The Kissing Bridge._

His soaked Hawaiian shirt stuck to his chest, little droplets of water falling from the seams as his tennis shoes squished beneath his weight. A shiver ran down his spine when he finally realized where he was and what he was about to do.

Richie rested his bike against one of the wooden planks, drawing out the pocket knife that his dad gave to him when he was younger. Rain still fell from the sky, but it was much lighter now. The sun was beginning to peek out of the dark clouds once more.

His heart was heavy, pounding against his chest with so much raw emotion that he couldn't contain it any longer. He could barely see through his fogged glasses as his eyes scanned the damp wood on the bridge, looking for an empty space to make his mark.

Then he saw it. Next to a bunch of stupid, heterosexual, normal messages, there was a blank area—one that felt right. With trembling fingertips, he clicked the side of his pocket blade, watching as it quickly shot up in response.

_Was he really about to do this?_

Richie felt more tears begin to cover his eyes behind his thick, black frames. He didn't know how he had anything left to cry—but as he brought the knife up to the board and made his first marking, he didn't give a fuck.

Hot tears fell down his face, his entire being bursting with emotion. Love, shame, excitement, loss, fear, hope. He couldn't determine which was which—all he knew was that he liked the thrill of it.

He made another few digs into the board, spelling out the letter, ** _'R'._ ******

A few more, and he had a plus sign.

His grip on the tightened when he got to the final letter. He sat back in his squatting position, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

Richie had faced a lot of scary things in his life. By age seven, he knew what a swirly was; by age ten, he knew what divorce was, and by age twelve, he killed a clown.

Yet, none of them could compare to how scared he felt the day he came out to himself. He was sitting on that stupid hammock with Eddie idled across from him, their legs intertwined in the middle. The sound of soft snoring and the feeling of his friend's skin against his was indescribable. Richie always felt safe with Eddie—it was like finding his way home after being homesick his entire life.

It was a silent acknowledgment that left him bawling. He desperately covered his mouth to stifle his sobs, not wanting to wake Eddie up from his nap. It didn't work of course—he felt the hammock shaking and heard the muffled cries. Without a word, he embraced Richie into a hug. They were sitting in an awkward position, but that was the day he truly realized how much Eddie meant to him.

God, it was so embarrassing. He hated crying in front of people— _particularly Eddie_ —but in the warmth of his arms, he couldn't help but feel safe. Cherished. Eddie never asked why Richie was crying that day, he just wanted to help him.

Richie loved Eddie more than anything.

With that thought, he finished carving the final line. He stepped back, his heart hammering against his chest and his palms extremely clammy.

**_R + E_ **

That was his mark. It was his way of declaring that he was in love with a boy—and not just any boy. He was in love with Eddie fucking Kaspbrak. The stupidly adorable hypochondriac.

He was so out of reach. Richie knew he would never be able to have him, but as he stared at the carved piece, he couldn't help the smile that grew on his dripping wet face.

One that immediately dropped at the sound of a familiar voice. "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you, asshole!"

"Oh, fuck me-!" Richie gasped, clutching his chest and quickly covering the wooden board he was just obsessing over with his back. A fresh wave of adrenaline coursed through his veins as he closed the knife, shoving it into his pocket. "Eds! I didn't- what are you doing here?"

Eddie was covered from head-to-toe in protective gear. He had a raincoat, rain boots, gloves, a hat—the whole shebang. Yet somehow, he still managed to look fucking adorable in Richie's eyes.

"Listen, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. If I had known letting Bev into The Loser's Club would've made you this upset, I never would have done it," he completely ignored the boy's question, marching up to him with a spare raincoat and drooping it over his shoulders. Richie shivered under his touch, only then realizing how cold he was. "I can talk to her about it tomorrow at school if you want. Just say the word and I'll do it."

The taller boy swallowed down the lump that grew in his throat as Eddie started buttoning the coat. "Eds, it's okay, really. I was way out of line with what I said-"

"Look, Rich, as much as it physically pains me to say it—you were right. I've been spending way too much time with her and not enough with you guys anymore, and I'm sorry-" he stopped fastening the rain protection when his eyes caught on the writing behind Richie. "Hey, did- did you write something on the bridge?"

It would have been so easy for him to say no—to laugh it off and just move on—but he couldn't lie to Eddie. Not when he was looking at him like that.

He hesitantly met Eddie's curious gaze, nodding softly in response. _God, his eyelashes were so fucking beautiful-_

"Can... can I see?" The smaller boy's voice was soft, almost velvety. It made his heart do a backflip.

Richie's words caught in the back his throat. _Was he ready to show him?_

With a stolen glance of Eddie's lips, he decided he was. If Eddie didn't accept him, he would just have to deal with it—but there was no way he was going to let him slip out of his grasp without knowing for sure. "Sure, Eds," he croaked out.

They watched each other closely for a moment, listening as the rain pitter-pattered against their protective gear. Eddie broke the intense eye contact when Richie stepped to the side, hesitantly. His gaze immediately landed on their initials.

He heard Eddie's breath hitch, but he refused to look up, finding solace in staring at his soaked shoes.

With every passing beat of silence, Richie's chest constricted more. He was ready to make a run for it by the time Eddie finally sputtered out a weak, "That's not funny, Richie."

The taller boy blinked, feeling his heart sink to his stomach. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you don't-" Eddie shifted his weight from foot to the other, his brows furrowed in distress. "you don't fucking joke about that with someone. I'm- I'm delicate."

"You think I'm fucking with you?" Richie asked, incredulously. He took a step forward, watching Eddie closely.

The smaller boy didn't back away at the advancement, his eyes growing wider. "You mean... you're serious? You like me too?"

Richie's heart stopped beating for a solid few seconds. "Hold up, wait. Hold the fucking phone. Did you just say, _'too'_?" he looked at Eddie, watching for any sign of dishonesty. He found none.

Wordlessly, Eddie timidly grabbed one of his trembling hands and walked them over to the other side of the Kissing Bridge. They stood for a moment before Eddie brushed an overgrown branch to the side with a blush.

**_EK + RT_ **

Richie felt as though the wind was kicked out of him. His face turned completely red. "You're not fucking with me?"

"No, dumbass," The smaller boy rolled his eyes, smiling as he adjusted his hand so that their fingers intertwined. "I'm not fucking with you."

"But what about Bev?" he asked, looking down at their fingers. "Weren't you two banging or something?

"Bev? Oh _god_ no," Eddie's expression quickly turned into one of disgust. "She's like a sister to me. Besides, I'm, uh, I'm... gay."

"I'm gay too," Richie mumbled, feeling a small smile bloom on his face. He had never admitted it out loud before, in fear of someone hearing—but now, as he held Eddie's hand in his and the rain fell all around them, those words made him feel powerful. "and I really fucking love you a lot, Eds."

Eddie's breath hitched again at his words, leaning his forehead against the other boy's. "I love you too, Rich."

In a moment of boldness, Richie's eyes flickered to Eddie's mouth. "Can I- can I kiss you? Is that okay?"

Without missing a beat, Eddie tipped his chin up, slightly, allowing their lips to collide. Richie made a muffled sound of shock but quickly relaxed after a couple of seconds. The first kiss was soft and experimental—testing the unfamiliar territory. They didn't really know where to put their hands or what to do with their mouths yet.

They pulled away for a few seconds, only to have Richie gently cup Eddie's face, leaning in once more. This time, there was more pressure. Eddie's hands found their way to Richie's hips and he pulled their bodies closer together.

The feeling of Eddie's lips on his- holy _shit_. It was incredible. Kissing a boy once was better than all the girls that he tried to kiss in middle school combined. Every little movement sent ripples of electricity throughout his entire body.

Rain splattered against their raincoats, droplets of water falling between their faces. Eventually, the smaller boy pulled away for air, pressing his forehead on Richie's. He could still feel Eddie's breath against his lips—and that alone made his head spin.

" _Christ,_ Eds," Richie's voice was hoarse, every syllable thick with emotion. He had to ignore the feeling of Eddie's hands underneath his raincoat, touching his hips where his shirt had ridden up. "if you would've- if we- I- what?"

Eddie giggled—like, actually _giggled_ at his reaction—biting down on his bottom lip, nervously. "Was it okay?"

He didn't waste any time to share his thoughts. "You're like a kissing _god_ , dude."

The smaller boy blushed, a smile growing on his lips. It made Richie's stomach flutter. "You should try kissing you."

Richie couldn't help but return the smile, letting his face drop into Eddie's shoulder. The smaller boy wrapped his arms around his torso, pulling him closer.

A small laugh left Richie's lips, muffled by the raincoat. His breath sent a shiver down Eddie's spine as he leaned in close, whispering, "I guess it is your fault I don't like girls, Eds."

**Author's Note:**

> i love these fucking nerds theyre so chaotic omg
> 
> i hope u enjoyed please leave a comment if u can


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